Monday, 1 April 2013

It's Who You Are (not what you do) that counts

Who we are and how we engage with the world are 
much stronger predictors of how our children 
will do than what we know about parenting. 
– Brené Brown

I think Brené Brown is great. She is teaching so many people about being vulnerable and real. And she teaches about ‘imperfect parenting’. Which is so good for all of us who think it is actually possible to be the perfect parent!

And when I read this quote recently, I thought it was so brilliantly put. It is a conclusion I have reached inside myself and she has spoken it so clearly.

And it really is completely true. Who and how we are is what our children absorb. How we relate to them, and to others, is what they receive and observe and take inside themselves.

We create the blueprint for them – for how they will be in the world.

So starting with ourselves is the only way. That’s where our spotlight needs to shine, not on our children. I am amazed at how issues just seem to disappear over night when I stop worrying about them and realign myself inside.

There are too many parenting ‘gurus’ out there trying to tell us how to do our job, how long they should be sleeping for, what they should be doing by the time they reach 17 months, how they should behave. It’s all about the ‘doing’ rather than the ‘being’.

And here are a few of the things I feel make a real difference to us as parents:

  •       Making sure you are being gentle with yourself, taking time for what you need as much as you can, and doing things that nourish you. It could be as simple as wearing a colour that makes you feel purposeful and happy. Or listening to a song that empowers and uplifts you. Or making time for one of those conversations with a friend that puts you back on track.

  •       Having a daily spiritual practice that includes forgiveness. Because the way to see ourselves and others with Love comes from an ability to forgive constantly. To feel innocent and see others as innocent too is the best thing we can do because of the impact it has on how we are, how we feel and how we see things.

  •        Practising gratitude. Literally writing down as often as possible all the things you feel grateful for. Not only will your life look more wonderful but you will actually start looking for things during your day that are wonderful as you go along.

Making time for these things whenever you can helps you keep aligned with your true, happy, loving Self and this is what helps our children the most.

Love Hollie x


  1. Thank you Hollie! This was just what I needed to hear today as I've been feeling a bit guilty about where I've been feeling I fell short for my kids. As they are now teens, that's really the last thing I need to do. It's more about being here now and showing up as the best version of this self :) Thanks!

    1. Hi Deanna, glad it was helpful. The next blog I am brewing inside is going to be about self-forgiveness. I am wondering if you could help me write it by listing a few things you feel bad about/feel you did wrong etc. I could write my own easily but haven't had as many years as you to build up the catalogue ! ;)

  2. Love that quote! And love your tips at the bottom of the post - so helpful! :)

  3. Thank you, Hollie, I so agree! My precious little princesses see ALL of me - there is nowhere to hide! So the work has to happen within, with personal honesty. My blog from last week touches on this, so I am glad I found you too! Love Marilyn

    1. Hi Marylin, love your blog ! Thanks for sharing. Love the idea of being a treasure seeker... I called this 'keeping an eye on the beauty' because I really feel we find what we want to find so we are much aligned !