A friend asked me how I was doing yesterday. I gave the long answer, which I do whenever there is space for that. I shared how I had been feeling low and grumpy but that I was coming back to myself and felt the relief of that. She asked me what I do when I feel low and grumpy and how I get through it. And I started thinking about how I see things these days.
And how I feel is that life is wiggly and bumpy and can be overwhelming and hard and joyful and peaceful and scary and confusing and beautiful and awful.
It’s a bit of everything.
And I know, for me, I have been through phases of thinking something was wrong when I wasn’t feeling happy all the time. I made happiness my goal and felt like I wasn’t getting there fast enough. But that one day, soon, it would happen and I would finally find the key to the whole thing and just feel endlessly joyful. One more workshop, a few more yoga classes, or maybe a really profound session with a psychic.
I now know that this is not only unrealistic but not the path.
These days, I see the path very differently. My goal is to realise my true nature, to focus on my spiritual connection, to have an open heart so that, when the joy bubbles up, I can really feel it. But I also welcome all that is the opposite of joy, as best I can. It is all to be welcomed.
And the real question for me in my life has become this one: Whose hand am I holding?
Am I holding the hand of my small personality self - the one that tells me I am not enough, that I cannot trust anything, that I am at the mercy of my emotions, that there is much to fear? Or am I holding the hand of the Loving Presence that is always there anyway, even when I forget? Even when the Opposite of Joy has taken hold? The one that wants only my good, that knows who I am in truth. The one that trusts my journey and doesn’t want me to be anywhere else other than where I am right now.
So this is where I am with Life right now: we are not meant to have a smooth ride all the time, we are not meant to be happy every moment of the day. We cannot control events around us or predict the emotional tides within us. But we can choose to hold the hand of Source, of Love, of Trust as we go. That bit, we can choose to do, even when we can't see through the fog.
And we need to remind each other to do this. We need to ask ourselves and each other whose hand we are holding. And the best way to do this is to hold each other's hands - to create a container of safety and trust and acceptance for all the bumps along the way. To be a reflection of the Loving Presence that holds us all.