I am getting used to the fact that these days, I get some of my biggest moments of clarity and perspective amidst the most seemingly mundane of moments.
Well, this week's came while I was making pizzas.
I was surrendering to the fact that the shopping was booked too late for the toppings to arrive on time. The time slots for our grocery delivery company are hour-long and they usually arrive in the very last section of the hour.
Goat's cheese and tomato it was, which was totally fine.
But then I started to think about what if I said a prayer for the toppings to arrive on time and it sparked a flash-back to when I used to pray as a test. I remember so clearly saying 'Right, if there really is a God and I really am taken care of, the shopping van will arrive early and we'll be able to make the pizzas I was planning.'
I remember constantly testing - because I didn't really believe I was supported. And I now see that the reason I didn't really believe I was supported was because I didn't think I was enough - I didn't know my own wholeness.
These days, when I pray it comes from a different place. I have been wanting to write about this for a while but have been struggling to find a way to explain it. Then the pizza thing happened and it feels like I can find the words.
So, standing by the oven, I prayed this kind of prayer:
'I trust that all is unfolding just as it needs to. And I know how loved and supported I am. I am so grateful that I know that I am enough. And if it is in the highest good of all and everyone, I welcome ease and grace and all good things. Including the timely arrival of pizza toppings.'
So there it is - a rough version of the prayer I actually don't word that specifically any more - it's more just a frequency I tune into these days. Like a prayer I live and breathe rather than individual prayers I word precisely. But this is the closest I can come to putting words to it.
Well, I got very conscious of aligning with the Love-Prayer Frequency in that moment and the doorbell rang. And of course it was the grocery delivery man - arriving 15 minutes before the hour slot had even started.
'I'm sorry I'm a bit early,' he began, 'but somehow the traffic just seemed to ease and before I knew it I was outside your house.'
'Come in,' I said to him, 'I literally just said a prayer and you appeared!'
He gave me a huge smile, which was a relief as I just kind of blurted that line out without really meaning to. And he added, 'I'm good at answering prayers.'
And the best bit was that, had he not turned up in that particular moment, it wouldn't have meant a thing. I would have enjoyed my plain pizzas because I really do trust The Plan. And that's what praying from wholeness is really about: not getting what you think you want but aligning with what wants to be yours.