Saturday, 14 September 2013

Meet Your Fierce and Loving Inner Parent

We all do it. All the time. We give ourselves a hard time about so many things we do and don't do and forget to do and should do. And haven't done for years. And did 6 times yesterday. And would love to do but don't feel confident enough. And on it goes... It is an aspect of the human condition that nobody can escape.

I am really good at giving myself a hard time and read a great post the other day by our lovely friend Cheryl Richardson. She had made one of those mistakes that leads to a lot of self-attack. And she wrote about it so beautifully (you can read her post here: and she used a term I hadn't heard before, and which I totally love.

She said she asked her Inner Parent to call a firm stop to all the self-attack she was inflicting on herself.

I really love this idea.

I have focused on inner child healing before - all the parts of us who have not grown up, who have become arrested at various stages of development, shock and so on. It is really helpful, whether or not we are on the parenting journey.

But the Inner Parent is really interesting to me. Because, as a parent, I find that I can give myself a really hard time - and the guilty thoughts can really take over if I'm not careful. If my daughter does it to herself, I am right there. I am the Loving Parent. I help her see things differently or just simply feel through how it feels to have a drawing that turns out wrong or deal with someone being unkind to her.

But remembering that I, too, have a constant source of love, support and guidance is something I have to stay on top of.

The next time I give myself a hard time about something, or the Perfectionist Mother makes an appearance, I am going to follow Cheryl's lead and call on the help of my Loving Inner Parent to put a stop to it and stick up for me.

When I try to imagine her, I can feel that she loves fiercely, is extremely clear about where she stands and totally committed to love and self-gentleness. I think I like her.

And I hereby introduce you to her (or maybe it's a 'him' to you) so that you can call on this intervention anytime too.

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