Tuesday, 22 April 2014

Can you say what you need?

Here is something I have noticed in myself: I find it hard to ask for what I need. So simple, isn't it? Seems so easy when I say it like that. 

But I know I am not alone with this one. It is one of the hardest things to do for so many reasons. I have met very few people who are really on top of this one. 

Most of us know this territory. If you have ever banged the pots and pans extra loud in the sink instead of just asking for some help with the washing up, then you get it.

And this is what we do. Instead of simply stating what we need - what would serve us, nurture us, give us relief, make us feel loved and appreciated - we drop mysterious breadcrumbs behind us. We hint, we bash the pots, we wait for somebody to know just what we need and to save us from the longing we feel. 

But the breadcrumbs only lead to distance. And guessing. And our longing to feel seen and special and loved goes unmet. Because really we are saying 'I can't ask for what I need because it feels too vulnerable. And if I spell it out, it ruins the whole thing anyway. You need to JUST KNOW for goodness' sake.'

But that's not how it works. If we go down that road, we just end up on different pages, thinking different things and missing each other along the way. 

The kindest, wisest, hardest, most fiercely loving act we can do for ourselves and others is simply to practice the art of asking ourselves what we need - and then sharing it. Because the people around us then have a chance to express their love in a way that is meaningful to us. 

AND when we speak a need out loud we don't need to bash the pots so hard and life becomes a little bit more peaceful for everyone.....

What do you need? And are you brave enough to take a breath, step out of Passive Aggressive Land and just say it out loud? 

1 comment:

  1. This reminds me of Burnt Toast by Teri Hatcher. It's a terrific read and, rather amazingly, was bought for me by eldest daughter who realised that I WAS that mummy who always scraped the black bits off the toast.....